hi friends,
it’s been a sec. and i simply cannot WILL NOT apologize for how much take out i have been ordering lately! what’s a lady to do when it’s too hot to cook, when she wastes too much time watching love island to prepare a meal in time for dinner, when she can’t be arsed?! order takeout, obviously. and plenty of it!
so i haven’t had much to write about.
but this week i have felt more motivated to cook. i cleaned out my fridge, i picked a few meals from my new cookbooks, and on sunday i even made these chicken wings for heaven’s sake! they took a thousand years and were worth every moment. mostly because i had a raw chicken excuse to send the kids OUT of the house and spent a glorious episode of love island deboning the wings in mostly peace. anyway, picture a spring roll, but it’s wrapped in a chicken wing. that’s these chicken wings. yum.
but i’m not here to talk about the chicken wings (though i will one day). i’m here to tell you about my dinner fail from last night.
so here’s the story:
i recently purchased the smitten kitchen every day cookbook. i love deb, she is approaching ina status to me, tbh. i’ve followed the blog since the early days and have had nothing but success with her recipes. so i decided to make this pinto bean recipe from her book, which is basically a choose your own adventure nacho situation, which i figured would be a very easy sell for the kids. deconstructed dinner featuring CHIPS? this will be a winner, i think to myself.
so i get my shit in gear early enough to soak these pintos for many hours, get them in the oven with over an hour to spare before dinner - deb says they’ll take 75 minutes - no problem.
i decide to get ahead of the game and make tortilla chips in the oven by brushing some sliced up corn tortillas with oil, in the 25 minutes before i have to go pick up the kids.
i get cocky.
i shuck some corn, getting the little hairs literally all over the kitchen floor, and wrap the ears in tin foil to roast while i pick up the kids. i quarter some cherry tomatoes & season them with a little tajin.
i pick out the avocados that are ripe enough. there are 3, more than enough for everyone.
i go get otis, floris goes to get felix, and we all gather back at home for chos.
i check the beans, which have been going for at least 80 minutes at this point.
hard as rocks. i add more water & turn the heat up.
i accept that there will be no beans at dinner, so i pivot. i slice some of the rotisserie chicken i bought the day before and put a plate together for each kid. a handful of chips, a small pile of corn that i cut off the cob and lightly salted, 2 tiny quarters of tomato, half an avocado, a little chicken and some vegan queso for dipping. nothing is touching each other. we sit outside.
immediately the trouble begins. felix spills his apple juice all over the deck, has a meltdown. otis is frustrated because he’s told me “a thousand times” he’s a vegetarian (yesterday he ate the same chicken?). he’s also not hungry? well, he is hungry he just doesn’t like this dinner. felix, who normally dies for avocado refuses to touch it. he also doesn’t want to sit down at the table. the dog is trying to steal everybody’s chips. “the chips are too hard to eat”. i take a deep breath.
the beans are still not cooked. i add more water.
felix has eaten his chicken, but will not eat corn or tomato or avocado or chips. he wants more apple juice (the answer is no, meltdown). we demand that otis try a tomato, which he does, but immediately bursts into tears (i’m talking TEARS) screaming “EW” at every chew. he is very mad at us. we have poisoned him with this tomato. felix also starts crying and screaming “EW”. the neighbour starts mowing their lawn which makes everyone want to go inside but otis will not carry his own plate because he needs to cover his ears (because it’s too loud).
we send him to his room for telling me that the dinner is “disgusting”. felix is done his chicken and chips, the veggies remain untouched. otis has eaten nothing but the one quarter of a cherry tomato that he cried over.
i excuse myself to check on the beans and regain my composure. they are still not done. it’s been 2 hours? i add more water.
otis comes back from his room and sits at the table with his plate. felix eventually decides he would like the avocado, and i try and trick him into eating corn by making a combo bite. he’s no fool, and spits out the bite immediately, sending kernels of corn and a giant hunk of avocado to the floor. the dog eats it (dogs are not supposed to eat avocado). felix cries.
he eats the rest of his avocado, which i feed to him. otis spends the next 30 minutes whining and slowly picking at his chips, chicken and avocado. the tomato and corn remain untouched.
i send both kids up to have a bath, and i go exercise for 20 minutes. felix gets put to bed, and i lounge around with otis for a little bit. he asks for dessert because he is still hungry (we offer him a bowl of frozen blueberries which he takes, begrudgingly), i remember that the beans are still in the oven!
they are burnt.
i take a deep breath, i swear at the beans.
i decide i will never make dried beans on a weeknight again, and that the next time i make nachos i will buy a bag of nachos instead of baking tortillas. i will save myself effort and time and disappointment. i will go into every meal expecting that things will go absolutely south, and plan for the worst and hope for the best. i will not serve raw tomatoes for a little bit.
otis goes to bed, i take a shower and watch the billie eilish documentary. i bawl at the part where she meets justin bieber, and then go to sleep.
nacho dinner is a do-over.